Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
