8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
