Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
