Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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