We need to rekindle our bromance
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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