Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
