Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
