tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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