There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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