Midget sex pt 2 tonight
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
