I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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