that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
