4 words: hood of his car
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
