you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
