he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
there was a trapeze. enough said
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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