booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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