Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So. Much. Porn.
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