I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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