i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
