What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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