Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
