Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
