pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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