The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just gargled with NyQuil
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
