I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
