Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
