got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
