"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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