No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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