I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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