I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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