Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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