I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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