if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
