Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize