the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize