My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize