If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
