speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
