and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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