He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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