Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize
