This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
