dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
