The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
