There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dicks are not precious.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
