Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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