Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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