ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
