Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
