Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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