I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
