I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
