omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
