Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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