so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
