uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
