And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
