so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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