I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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