What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
