We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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