hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
