Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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