I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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