So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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