How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Panties = found
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
