Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize