Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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