That's intense
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
