he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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