sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
