I have demons in me.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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