mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
