Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
