Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
