the day after is always just damage control
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize