Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
