I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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