Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
