i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
