I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Randomize
