walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
